Passion and Soulmates

T

hanks for the kazillion comments. Even those of you who were gagging--SweetLilV, ZettonV, hmmm, maybe its the Vs. As always, I am unworthy. There were a number of comments and questions that I wanted to respond to, but I think many of you are tired of the Q & A format, so I'll just write an entry that makes reference to them.

I must admit that this topic of soulmates is not one that I often write about. I have an opinion--and a strong one at that--but it is, as Paikey pointed out, a girly topic. Hahahahah. But I wront it not becuase I 'm running out of topics, but because Simply_Marie asked me a specific quesition and I didi want to share my opinion.

M's photo

Anyway, most of my regular visitors know M, but for those of you who are recent guests--yes, that is a pic of M. And yes, SweetLilV, Andine, and EndlesSkye, I think M is pretty good-looking. She also used to be an aerobics instructor so her body is fit and very flexible and that silvermyst_ashke does make her a bit hot at that. She really doesn't mind that I put her face up ZettonV, just as long as it is inconspicuous, her name is not online and I it is associated with me.

Passion

With regard to passion, I think everyone understood what I was getting at: an intense emotional response. It does not equal sex or lust, although that too is a part of it. In a way, we are still in the "honeymoon" phase of our relatioship, and I don't expect it to stop anytime soon, Bane. M is not necessarily "needy" and I am not anyone's knight in shining armor, but we have a need for each other. I think since we both realized that we are soulmates, we are totally devoted to eacah other. I will not go anywhere without her. I'd rather stay at home than go out "with the boys." It sounds pretty pathetic, and indeed, I would have pegged me as a pussy-whipped guy, but that is not the case. This is my preference. And the devotion we feel for each other has never suffocated either of us. It's hard to explain, and I never believed that I could feel this intensely for anyone until I met her. But believe me when I say that our passion is real.

And this is, to me, the most important aspect of my relationship with M, certainly more importnat than sewing, as ddsb2000 pointedly--and perhaps a bit sarcastically--commented. In fact, it is THE most important aspect of the relationship, for it covers any other deficiencies within the relationship. I don't rely on other aspects of our relationship to to sustain it. Indeed, it is just the opposite. For me, it is only the passion that keeps us together, the intense emotional bond that I feel for M, and this covers any problems or pitfalls that may appear. And as far as I'm concerned, Sammy, it will never fail. If it does, then the passion wan't strong enough and perhaps she wasn't the soulmate I thought she was...

The first major "test" of our passion for each other was the four years we spent apart in different countries at the beginning. Long distance relationships are difficult, as SillieeeBunnieee alluded to, but we never felt the distance. Sure we wanted to be with each other, but the devotion was strong enough to overcome even this major obstacle. Yes, the passion is real...

Soulmates just are

But the bottom line is that the reason why this passion exists is because I believe that M is my soulmate. Again, I never believed in this kind ao crap previously. To me, a soulmate, no, wait, I'll go even further... Once upon a time I didn't think love awas a real emotion. To me, Love was a complex amalgamation of human tendencies. Roughly speaking, I viewed love as finding its seed in loneliness and the need to feel appreciated, then being triggered by physical attraction and the joy of shared interests, and then ending up ideally with mutual trust and respect. It is more complex than this, but as I said, this is a rough outline. And this was basically my formula when I met K's mother, my first wife. But I now believe that these things exist to satsify our basic human urge as social animals, and that there is a higher plane, a greater existence. The emotions discovered between soulmates transcends anything I have experienced in my life...

And because of it I consider myself to be a lucky man, sekura81 (don't cry!) and iluvpajun, wrote. Indeed, iluvpajun knew her beau was her soulmate by holding his han too! Punch king! (Okay, maybe you have to be a tad older to know what I just said...)

Now, there are the doubters. And I don't blame them. As I mentioned above, I was one of them. Certainly KF focuses on the development of relationships, something one would have to believe in if and arranged marriage is the basis of a long-lasting relatioship. And of course, any questioning of my opinions would be incomplete with bane the vixen: "so why do you love this woman other than the passion and the whole soulmate thing?" As stupid as this sounds, there is none. I just know that I do. She will occasionally ask me and I tell her, in all honestly, "I don't know." I could make a list of things like intellect and cooking and others, but then that would be what I did with my first wife--well, I shouldn't put everything on her as I was doing this way before my first marriage. Anyway, there are many things I love about M--sense of humor, physical attributes, the ability to drink me under the table, etc.-- but these are not the reason WHY I love her. I just do...

But for me, at least, the kind of love between soulmates is not developed, it just is. And apparently, its not just me. Besides simpy_marie (yes, I trust you.) and iluvpajun, cgran (he's someone I know and he's new, so go visit him and say "hi"), and to a degree scslider and even *gulp* ekin believes they just exist, waiting to discover each other. But dont get me wrong gyjcwang. As I mentioned before, this doesn't mean that our life is always a bed of roses, for even that has its thorns. I, too, believe that relationships require time and effort to make it last. And so we would certainly have to be married to strengthen the bonding and closeness we enjoy. But the difference is that because of the intensity of the bond, it doesn't feel like work, I do not toil. I happily make the adjustments necessary. And I'm glad that msbLiSs has something to grasp--old love letters?--to remind her of the discovery of her own soulmate, despite the intrusion of the banalities of life--those times when we must work a bit at the relationship. Those of us who have found our soulmate are like perfectly matched links. Maybe we have to polish off the rust or other debris that accumulated before we met, but still we are the perfect match. We just need to work sometimes to make the link fit just right.

And so, I have come to believe that we all have soulmates, and that it just takes time to meet them. I met M when I was 40 years old. Perhaps, we weren't supposed to meet until then. Perhaps there is a reason for the timing. I don't mean to get all mystical and esoteric, but I am beginning to think that science and hard empirical evidence has not figured out everything. Maybe someday someone will find the reason for what I feel. All I know is that I feel it. And in the obvious but thoughtful words of scslider: Glad you've found your happiness. hopefully everyone eventually finds theirs.

Outside the box

Fongster8, that pot stirrer, alludes to a good point: Not all soulmates are marriage partners. They can be really good friends as well, the kind that you would never abandon, the ones who will stick with you through thick and thin.

And s_yuki (another newbie), I don't know if "most intelligent asian guys hold that view", mostly because since I'm not an intelligent Asian guy, or an intellignet anything, I couldn't speak for anyone, Hahahahaha. But I am speaking from my own experience, as shallow as 48 years or experience can be. And I have nothing "against engineers" and MBAs. I am a humanities person--language and literature, to be precise--and I sometimes cannot understand how those whose lives revolve around numbers and equations think. Those that I have met think in absolute terms--2+2=4 no matter what--and that is anathema to my way of thinking, and vice-versa. So while I do know and have friends who are numbers-crunchers--my sister is an MBA, too--I doubt that one would be my soulmate. Of course, this is a deficiency on my part, not theirs.