A Real Survey

A

s many of you know, there are a lot of surveys flowting around Xanga, if not the virtual world of blog communities. Certainly, many of them are pretty funny, just as many of them are pretty lame. And I have been known to complete my share of the lame ones. But I went to Booyaman's site the other day, and found the following set of questions posed by James Lipton of "Inside the Actor's Studio" where--and I quote:

...the King of Suck-up asks these same questions to the guest du jour. Lipton admires or idolizes Pivot, a French talk-show host that first came up with this set of questions -- hence the namesake. I suppose the answers are supposed to reveal something deep and profound about your person; personally I think it's all just frenchie froufrou.

Far be it for me to contradict the knowledgable Booyaman, but I thought the questions were thought provoking. Imagine yourself as the bearded host on Bravo as you ask me these questions:

• What is your favorite word?
  ˆ¤‚µ‚Ä‚é‚æ (ai shiteru yo : Love ya'): It's my favorite because I love hearing M saying it.
• What is your least favorite word?
  Good-bye. Is there anything sadder than having to say "good-bye" to someone? I avoid this wheneven possible. I will say "see ya'" or "later" or even the abbreviated "bye", but "good-bye" has such a sense of finality that I use it only sparingly--usually when I'm annoyed or pissed.
• What turns you on?
  A really juicy bacon burger: Once upon a time, I would have said beautiful women. And for me, beauty is not so much a particular characteristic, but a good balance. It is the entire package that also includes character and inteligence as well as good looks. But that is past me now. Nearing my fiftieth year, I am far more gratified by a scrumptious bacon burger. From the bottom up: French roll (bottom), mustard, three slices of butter pickles, a grilled quarter pound patty, two strips of bacon medium-well--not too soft, not to crispy--a single full romaine lettuce leaf folded in half, a thick slice of tomato, mayo slathered on the tomato, and the top part of the roll. Key is never mix the mustard and mayo, and the mayo must always be on the tomato. I swear, any deviation from this stacking order will change the flavor of the burger. Try it. Make two and put the mayo somewhere else on one; the flavor will definitely be different.
• What turns you off?
  Unhygienic/unsanitary people and places: Ugh, I hate dirty people, and I really hate unsanitary places. I wrote previously about being disgusted by those who don't flush after useing the urinal. and the thought of shaking hands with someone who hasn't washed their hands after using the toilet is so disgusting, I wish America would adopt the East Asian habit of bowing to greet people. Yuck.
• What sound do you love?
  The sound of a car driving by on a lonely afternoon. I don't know why, but this is a reassuring sound to me. It reminds my that I am not alone when I'm by myself. The voice of other people talking is intrusive and will simply accentuate my loneliness. Natural sounds--birds chirping, dog barking--confirm the solitairiness of the situation. But a car, a machine that was made by man, reminds me of the humanity around me without the intrusion of a live voice.
• What sound do you hate?
  The sound of someone farting or having diarrhea in the next stall in a public restroom. I swear this is the worst. I wish they had those flushing sound systems they have in women's restrooms in Japan. Over there, women cover up the sound of their own business, but I wouldn't use it to cover my own; I'd erase the sounds coming from the next stall.
• What is your favorite curse word?
  There are so many good ones, but if my favorite cures word was the one I used the most, it would be "asshole." Fucker or shithead are great words, but calling someone an asshole is the epitome of an insult: A puckered openning from which only shit comes out.
• What profession, other than yours, would you like to attempt?
  Writer. I think this my Xanga speaks for itself. Not that it's good, but that it is obvious that I like to write.
• What profession would you NOT like to participate in?
  A male dancer/stripper at Chip 'n Dale's. I can dance a simple two step and I have cha-cha-ed through a few songs in my youth, but in general, I suck as a dancer. Worse is the fact that if I basred myself in front of a ruoomful of women, they would laugh at what is referred to in Japanese as the "natural life saver" I have wrapped around my waist. That would be love handles in America. I swear, I'm gonna lose weight this summer! *sigh*
• If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
  "you know, I'm gonna let you in anyway."