Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Senryu Tsubame 川柳つばめ吟社: December

And the winners are...


he pool of poems were fewer than any previous salon. Perhaps December was a busy time for everyone, or maybe some are growing tired of composing poems or having their poems critiqued by a ball of rice. Another point is that there were a number of first timers--exactly half of them. In any event, there were only sixteen poems, but then, that just makes it easier for me to focus on each one.

Of the poems submitted, the one that really stood out--and probably would have won regardless of how many entries there were--was Whonose's submission, at once flowing and witty. AznQuarter came up with an image that was familiar but just quirky enough to make it standout--ribbon instead of string. RachelsMommy presented an image that was expected--a present, a child--given the topic and the time of season, but beautifully described--just get rid of the repetition. The Vixen's ice cream and SunJun's representation of a child's expectation were competent for honorable mention, and detachable's poem was just too damn sexy to ignore.

The rankings in Japanese are: 天 ten (heaven), 地 chi (earth), 人 jin (man) and 三客 sankyaku (three guests--honorable mentions).

As per custom, the critic's senryu--which you are free to critique--is at the bottom.

The typewriter clicks
Thought broken like the ribbon
I was on a roll

by whonose

knots on a finger
a ribbon to remind me
to forget me nots

by aznquarter

Perfect satin curls,
unfurled, discarded with glee
by one anxious child.

by RachelsMommy

with dainty fingers
she wraps the shiny, black silk
stockings round her thighs

by detachable

Sweet swirled on the tongue's taste buds--
Chocolate ribbons

by bane_vixen

Tied in a neat bow,
the bright, red ribbon beckons.
Who knows what's inside?

by SunJun

Critic's own:

A ribbon sticker--
reminder through the windshield
of boys in harms way...

by Onigiriman

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