Monday, May 24, 2004

Who's looking you up: revisited

How do others identify me?


ho the hell am I? This has been a major theme in my life, because I am often very lost. I always pictured myself as a geeky, unathletic, ugly kind of kid. The reason of course is because I allowed others to identify me as such. You know what I'm talking about. When enough people tell you that you are stupid or useless, there is a chance that it will turn into a prophesy fulfilled.

Well, I was beginning to wonder if I will ever become my online persona someday. There are a number of people who find me by Googling the wierdest combination of words. Is this how people identify me?

Search: one leg pant Japanese girl

Onigiriman's Journal - [ Traduzca esta pagina ]
... I never knew spinach tasted so good!" the girl replies, "you ... re: japanese toilets. ... more embarrassing than walking out of the bathroom with one pant leg wet. ... - 24k - En cache - Paginas similares

Say what? Well, I don't know what the heck this person was looking for, but they linked to the entry about using Japanese toilets. Okay, now I do enjoy my daily constitutional. It is the most relaxing time of the day for me. No one will bother me, I am alone with my thoughts or the newspaper or a nice novel, totally relaxed. The scary thing is that I was sorta able to do this even in a J toilet, crouching down. But as I think about it, I do my share of toilet/bathroom talk, so perhaps this identity is legitiamate...

Search: cicada Catskills

Onigiriman's Riceball Journal
... All the women are worried about cicadas flying into their hair. ... I shoulda practiced my routine in the Catskills before taking it on "The Road to Xanga". ... skin.asp?user=Onigiriman&tab=weblogs&fid=0&nextdate=5%2F8%2F2004+1%3A15%3A28+PM... - 40k - Cached - Similar pages
Well, this may be more my speed. This search linked me to the story I wrote in response to the Vixen, "What a Tough Crowd". Of course the story had nothing to do with cicadas--my entry on the cicadas was simply juxtaposed to it--but it's sarcasm is a part of who I am, for batter or for worse. My kids will tell you how sarcastic I can be... But given the frequency of my entries on cicadas, being identified as one who hates them but is nonetheless fascinated by them is me as well.

Search: Xanga exhibitionist

Onigiriman's Xanga Site - 5/12/2004 3:36:17 PM
... I'd send you to SleepingCutie, exhibitionist extraordinaire, but she's on vacation to hook up with some guy in SF... ... Just taking it out on my Xanga friends... ... item.aspx?user=Onigiriman&tab=weblogs&uid=88552557 - 40k - Cached - Similar pages

This is really too much: Xanga exhibitionist. WHAT? Me? Okay, I guess in a way I am an exhibitionist. I talk about my thoughts and my ideas and my experiences. But where's PaikyPoo, who really lets it all hang out? Where's SleepinCutie? She has more than double my subscribers and receives triple the number of comments. And certainly, her topics cannot be categorized as reserved by any means. But I do talk about a lot of things that have happened in my past--perhaps with an embellishment or two for effect--because I am the end result of all my experiences (as are you). This means, of course, that with each new layer of experience, I turn into a different person. I no longer change as much as, say, you guys should--20ア years of experience is nothing--but still the shifts in view and perspective are well nuanced.

Search: most beer drank in one sitting

Onigiriman's Journal
... Most beers in one sitting: I remember a hot summer night in in Hachioji, Tokyo when I drank mug after mug of beer with M, just to see how much we could put away ... skin.asp?user=Onigiriman&nextdate=5%2F2%2F2004&cal=1 - 23k - Cached - Similar pages

Okay, maybe I deserve this one. This is the single identifying trait that I cannot even begin to deny, so I won't even try. Gee, sometimes I'd like to have a beer with some of you guys... If I was with Sammy, we'd trade "living in Japan" horror stories. With Hama-chan, I'd listen to his life of being "followed" by a stranger as well talk sports with Sammy all night long. (Sadly, neither of them are with us on Xanga anymore because of the stupidity of selfish and base individuals.) With Paiky, I'd listen first hand about his over the top exploits--I'd bet Hama and I would sit in awe listening. With the Vixen, I'd probably get dressed-down because I was born with an appendage that she either hates or envies. With the O-Girl, I'd take notes as she explained how a young, "presumably" innocent Korean young girl plays with her men, then write a book and make a million dollars. With Rie, I'd just watch her, cuz that's all I'd have to do. With Detachable and Pete, I'd observe them talking about art and see if I could pick up even a smidgeon of their artistic talent. With japblkgrl, I'd pick her brain about her life as a JA of mized heritage (as I would zettonv, hanzo and others). I have many new acquaintances, as well, but I don't know yet if folks like blu_jazz, pally, timzerozero, sekura, ekin, iluvpajun and silvermyst_ashke even imbibe, but they have certainly caught my attention recently. (This has less to do with the content of their blog, and more with the start of a dialogue between us.) I have other friends as well, like Omega01 and Chiisanahoshi and link_strife, but they are underage and I cannot contribute to the delinquency of minors. Heheheheh. Sorry guys, no beer for you...

Anyway, getting back to the original point: As a kid, I allowed the people around me define who I was. And I think, in many ways, this is inevitable. We all have free will and can exert our own individuality. But that's the rub. Isn't exerting free will a concept we learned from others? If so, then how do we distinguish how much of the free will is based on what we feel and how we were told to carry ourselves? In Japan, working with, belonging to, surviving in a group is a rather imiportant concept that everyone follows because society--i.e. other people--dictate it. How are we different from that? The effect may be different but isn't the process is the same? Just something to consider while your brain is on summer vacation (for some of you that is...)

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