Sleepless in Virginia

R

ecently, I've been having problems sleeping. Getting to sleep isn't the problem. It's staying asleep. I can fall asleep virtually anywhere: the train home, in front of the TV as I watch MSNBC, in front of the computer, sitting on the can... okay, maybe you didn't need to know that...

And, of course, I can sleep in bed. But I usually wake up in four hours. Take last night. I get home after a night of drinking--a student of mine was doing a fund raiser to run a marathon for AIDS/HIV--I came home late with my sons in tow (Chipmunk was a pretty drunk and sick puppy). I watched a little TV to unwind from taking care of the sick canine and I finally hit the sack at 5AM... but my eyes pop open at 9:30. I would have liked to sleep until at least 11--I can live with 6 hours of sleep--but no go. Indeed, I have slept for at least six hours only once since I came back from LA and the funeral. May be its the UV rays...

Now, I guess a lot of it has to do with the stress I've been under recently, but I read somewhere that sleep--specifically REM sleep and dreaming--allows us to deal with stress to a significant degree. Apparently, our dreams are often representative ways of dealing with whatever issues we may have, thereby allowing us relax a bit. But if I can't sleep I can't dream, so stress levels remain high. Since stress levels remain high, I can't sleep and can't dream. This is more than just a vicious circle--its ugly, pathetic, and a bit more than a little scary...

So I have decided to try something unique. I'm going to bed before 1AM tonight. Hopefully, I'll sleep until it grows bright outside, maybe 7 or 8 AM. Now that would be great. And if I wake up at 5 or 6AM, at least I'll have my long morning again and accomplish more than I usually do in a day. Actually, this just might be the ticket. Man, maybe I'll even get back to exercising. I haven't run since I've been back from LA either, and that might have something to do with it as well. And maybe death just has a way of screwing with your mind, your outlook, your attitude.

Anyway, I'd like to thank those of you who read this site, and especially those who comment regularly. Your words are often the highlight of my day. It seems like I have been ranting quite a bit lately, and not on social issues, but on personal matters that you probably don't even want or need to read. So thanks for putting up with me. I've been trying to pull myself together but I don't feel very successful...